I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize