I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm both gender and math confused
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
