you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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