I accidentally burped into my bong.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize