whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
