I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my shit smells like andre
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
