I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize