I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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