Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
