Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
