it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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