Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
