just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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