Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
