We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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