he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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