its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
