I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She just used a chaser for red wine.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
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he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
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I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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