Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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