My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
