The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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