If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
