Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
