So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
