my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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