She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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