well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
this just has baby written all over it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
