I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
