ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
