Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
