But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
