I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
