I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
