The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
