Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
