u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
