I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
