Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
