she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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