I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
