Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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