I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
