Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
two words: eviction party
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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