question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
