we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I did not marry a roomba.
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