I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We talked him into tasing himself.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
