im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
