I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
