I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
