Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
