You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
