Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she smelled like a LAN party
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
