I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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