I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize