I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
actually, I'm a sock model
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
