even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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