remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
