If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
