I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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