You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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