The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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