the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
