OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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