I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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