her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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