oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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