So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
