Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
