He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
