Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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